Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
160 BPM!
When Dash was very little and living in his small, dark, one-room apartment, we used to check in on him every now and again (OK, about 6 times a day) with the help of our own portable ultrasound machine thingy (sorry to get all technical on your asses).
Things we Know
Dear Crazy Legs,
These are some thing that your folks and others who love you know. We are happy to share our hard-won knowledge with you because you're very adorable even though you poop in your pants.
1. If your shrimp scampi or chicken piccata or whatever is coming out more sour than buttery-lemony, add lemon zest and more salt than you think you'd need, and use less juice.
2. For perfectly steamed asparagus, wrap a medium to large bunch in 5 or 6 paper towels, run under the tap, place on plate and microwave for 4 minutes. Be careful when removing because towels will be Hot Hot Hot!
3. To get tinny taste out of homemade tomato sauce, add a teensy pinch of baking soda to the mix.
4. If you do the Jaws sound (duh-nuh, duh-nuh) while you slowly move in to kiss your 4-month-old, he will soon start grinning as soon as he hears the sound.
5. Apply the gel back to front, and then work it through your hair evenly.
6. Anytime you go to OSH, Home Depot, Lowes, etc., always take the part you want to replace with you.
7. Apply more pressure with your fingers to get good movement on your 2-seam fastball.
8. When you're hanging stuff, always have a level, a pencil and nail-hole filler close by.
9. When you take something apart, lay the pieces down logically. The ability to put something back together from memory isn't in the Engel genes.
10. If a girl tells you she doesn't want to be in a relationship, she may or may not want to be in a relationship. If a boy tells you he doesn't want to be in a relationship, he's telling the truth.
11. You should never love people who like F. Scott Fitzgerald more than Ernest Hemingway. There's something missing from their souls. (11a. Girls who say they don't like Hemingway because he's an anti-semite or a misogynist are lazy and missing the point.)
12. People who drive Mustangs are assholes.
13. Don't be a Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda (Auntie Kala)
14. Don't live your life for a resume (Auntie Kala)
15. Don't buy white trash cans or coffee pots.
16. We're a family who drinks. If you want to cut to the chase sans gag reflex, you need to know how to mix a good Long Island Iced Tea. Put in plenty of the white boozes (equal parts vodka, gin, tequila and rum), a splash of triple sec and a hearty dose of sweet & sour. Don't fear the sweet & sour! If the glass is too full of booze get a bigger glass. It's SUPPOSED to taste like iced tea but with a really happy ending. Oh! Almost forgot-- top with a splash of coke. Trust me on this one. All the sugar in the sweet & sour and coke is gonna get you that much more fucked up. Good times! (Auntie J)
17. When you wake up on the bathroom floor the next morning (I told you those Long Islands would be good), you'll need to look decent for work. I know just the trick, Little Man. Generously apply Tuck's medicated pads to the huge black pouches under your red, swollen eyes. They'll take down the swelling and you'll look human again in no time! (Auntie J)
18. Always dress nicely when you travel. People will treat you differently. (Auntie Justine)
These are some thing that your folks and others who love you know. We are happy to share our hard-won knowledge with you because you're very adorable even though you poop in your pants.
1. If your shrimp scampi or chicken piccata or whatever is coming out more sour than buttery-lemony, add lemon zest and more salt than you think you'd need, and use less juice.
2. For perfectly steamed asparagus, wrap a medium to large bunch in 5 or 6 paper towels, run under the tap, place on plate and microwave for 4 minutes. Be careful when removing because towels will be Hot Hot Hot!
3. To get tinny taste out of homemade tomato sauce, add a teensy pinch of baking soda to the mix.
4. If you do the Jaws sound (duh-nuh, duh-nuh) while you slowly move in to kiss your 4-month-old, he will soon start grinning as soon as he hears the sound.
5. Apply the gel back to front, and then work it through your hair evenly.
6. Anytime you go to OSH, Home Depot, Lowes, etc., always take the part you want to replace with you.
7. Apply more pressure with your fingers to get good movement on your 2-seam fastball.
8. When you're hanging stuff, always have a level, a pencil and nail-hole filler close by.
9. When you take something apart, lay the pieces down logically. The ability to put something back together from memory isn't in the Engel genes.
10. If a girl tells you she doesn't want to be in a relationship, she may or may not want to be in a relationship. If a boy tells you he doesn't want to be in a relationship, he's telling the truth.
11. You should never love people who like F. Scott Fitzgerald more than Ernest Hemingway. There's something missing from their souls. (11a. Girls who say they don't like Hemingway because he's an anti-semite or a misogynist are lazy and missing the point.)
12. People who drive Mustangs are assholes.
13. Don't be a Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda (Auntie Kala)
14. Don't live your life for a resume (Auntie Kala)
15. Don't buy white trash cans or coffee pots.
16. We're a family who drinks. If you want to cut to the chase sans gag reflex, you need to know how to mix a good Long Island Iced Tea. Put in plenty of the white boozes (equal parts vodka, gin, tequila and rum), a splash of triple sec and a hearty dose of sweet & sour. Don't fear the sweet & sour! If the glass is too full of booze get a bigger glass. It's SUPPOSED to taste like iced tea but with a really happy ending. Oh! Almost forgot-- top with a splash of coke. Trust me on this one. All the sugar in the sweet & sour and coke is gonna get you that much more fucked up. Good times! (Auntie J)
17. When you wake up on the bathroom floor the next morning (I told you those Long Islands would be good), you'll need to look decent for work. I know just the trick, Little Man. Generously apply Tuck's medicated pads to the huge black pouches under your red, swollen eyes. They'll take down the swelling and you'll look human again in no time! (Auntie J)
18. Always dress nicely when you travel. People will treat you differently. (Auntie Justine)
Guess What!
Hey, wanna know what you get 2 days after starting daycare? Your very first cold!
Awesome!
Snot: everywhere. Food: refused. Poopies: You don't wanna know. Nonnies: Ha! I spit on your nonnies!
Awesome!
Snot: everywhere. Food: refused. Poopies: You don't wanna know. Nonnies: Ha! I spit on your nonnies!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Well then
So, his first day at daycare was a big success. He fell in love with his teacher, Miss Natasha, and it looks like she fell in love with him, too. He played with puppets and fell asleep on the floor and chased babies around trying to steal their socks.
And then we took him home and plopped him in the tub and he proceeded to stand the fuck up. I just told him to take a seat because I'm not ready to own a standing baby.
And then we took him home and plopped him in the tub and he proceeded to stand the fuck up. I just told him to take a seat because I'm not ready to own a standing baby.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Day 1
I haven't really slept in three or four days (last night not at all) and even Josh was tossing and turning. But this morning at 5:30 we got up and started prepping. Three bottles, two meals, baggies of Veggie Booty and Cheerios and those organic handmade French teething biscuits. Two sheets, three changes of clothes, a stuffed kitty. We put on his little jeans and tee shirt and socks and the most adorable leather booties (it's not easy getting shoes onto feet as wide as they are long). The makework kept me from bawling (just this morning, though--didn't keep me from crying most of yesterday).
At 7:15am we had arrived. Been buzzed in and introduced to Miss Josie and Miss Linda and little Nathan who was working pretty hard on bits of toast. Dash looked confused but not unhappy while we were scrambling, trying to figure out how to i.d. his bottles and grub and clothes and sheets. Miss Josie asked if he liked to be rocked to sleep and that was a comfort to me. He'll be in arms today. Not mine and not Josh's and not Baba's. But arms are arms and kisses are kisses and I think it'll be ok.
At 7:15am we had arrived. Been buzzed in and introduced to Miss Josie and Miss Linda and little Nathan who was working pretty hard on bits of toast. Dash looked confused but not unhappy while we were scrambling, trying to figure out how to i.d. his bottles and grub and clothes and sheets. Miss Josie asked if he liked to be rocked to sleep and that was a comfort to me. He'll be in arms today. Not mine and not Josh's and not Baba's. But arms are arms and kisses are kisses and I think it'll be ok.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Moving Pictures
Please take a vitamin or something before attempting to view this. You'll need to be strong as the adorableness may kill you.
Monday, October 09, 2006
An Explanation
Why we persist in allowing him to sleep indoors despite his completely uncivilized behavior all through the night climaxing with a final awakening every day at 5am:
Good morning, Baby Duck.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
It is Upon Us
We always knew Dash would go to daycare at some point. We both believe in daycare. I spent the better part of my youth in daycare and it was the setting for some of my fondest memories. Josh & I are agreed that kids who spend time around other kids and adults are just better socialized. They're less anxious and friendlier and more self-assured.
So, when I was knocked up I researched and talked to moms and called centers and settled on an incredibly expensive center walking distance from our house. I met with the director (Miss Gina!) and took a tour and loved what I saw. I saw smiling teachers and happy babies and I felt calm and secure in the knowledge that Dash could spend a couple of days a week there and learn all of those songs every other kid in the universe knows (wait, what happened to the spider?! and he survived!?) and do a little finger painting. Maybe someone there could even get him to nap in a crib? Please?
So, we put Dash in the waiting list. We figured he'd start at around a year old. It didn't seem likely they'd have an opening before December or January.
Then the unthinkable happened.
They called.
They have an opening.
He starts October 16.
That is less than two weeks from now.
We could have said "no," but he's ready. He's completely mobile and he's trying hard to get on his feet. He needs stimulation. He needs chaos and laughing and sharing and to get out of the goddamn house. He needs more than he's getting right now.
He'll still be home with the ladies two or three days a week. He'll still get the calm and love and undivided attention that only his Grandmas can offer him. But he also needs a little bit more. And he'll get it at daycare.
I may not survive, though.
So, when I was knocked up I researched and talked to moms and called centers and settled on an incredibly expensive center walking distance from our house. I met with the director (Miss Gina!) and took a tour and loved what I saw. I saw smiling teachers and happy babies and I felt calm and secure in the knowledge that Dash could spend a couple of days a week there and learn all of those songs every other kid in the universe knows (wait, what happened to the spider?! and he survived!?) and do a little finger painting. Maybe someone there could even get him to nap in a crib? Please?
So, we put Dash in the waiting list. We figured he'd start at around a year old. It didn't seem likely they'd have an opening before December or January.
Then the unthinkable happened.
They called.
They have an opening.
He starts October 16.
That is less than two weeks from now.
We could have said "no," but he's ready. He's completely mobile and he's trying hard to get on his feet. He needs stimulation. He needs chaos and laughing and sharing and to get out of the goddamn house. He needs more than he's getting right now.
He'll still be home with the ladies two or three days a week. He'll still get the calm and love and undivided attention that only his Grandmas can offer him. But he also needs a little bit more. And he'll get it at daycare.
I may not survive, though.
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