Word to Your Mother

Dear Parents of Dash's School Friend/Birthday Boy,

OK, I get it. Parties are expensive. And often plans can get away from you (I know! It happened to me! I wanted a party for 10 and got a party for 30! It was crazy and expensive and a ton of work!). But here's the thing: if you note on the invitation that there will be "plenty of food," then you have to assume that parents will bring unfed kids and expect more sustenance than pinata candy and Pringles.

But you know what? It's ok. Everybody fucks up. Maybe you didn't get to the store. Maybe you ran out of money after renting the karaoke machine (another tip--maybe 2- and 3-year olds don't so much get what to do with a karaoke machine). But you know what's not ok? What's not ok is defrosting 25 lbs of ribs in the sink for the afterparty while your starving guests shuffle past on their way to sing Happy Birthday to your kid. Dash had so much sugar and so little other food that he hasn't stopped melting down yet and we have already been home for an hour. I can only pray that at the next party you're invited to the gift bag contains a puppy.

Best,

The Engels