Dude! Dude! Oh my God, dude! You totally pooped in the tub! It was awesome!
Daddy & I could not figure out what to do with it. At first I thought I could strain it out with something, but I didn't want to sacrifice my $30 Williams-Sonoma strainer or my bamboo spider all the way from Little Tokyo. So then I tried wrapping my hand in a plastic grocery bag and plucking the turds out one by one, but they were starting to dissolve and it was taking forever and you were just standing there all naked and looking confused. And then, awesome!, you started trying to play with it and I lost my mind. Eventually we figured it out--Daddy just took the entire duck tub out to the trash & dumped it (yep, human feces loose in the trash)--and we gave you a Silkwood shower and bleached the hell out of everything (and then Comet, and then the dishwasher).
And now we have the story we will tell to your date on prom night.