And just like that, Christmas came and went and we're all much richer in toys and fun and laughing, and poorer in actual money.
The night before, Dash put on his reindeer feedin' hat & dumped the food (100% Dash-made, ingredients: oatmeal & sparkle) onto the lawn.
Earlier in the week we'd been invited to a cookie decorating party where Dash made these just for Santa. I put them right next to the menorah because I have an excellent sense of humor.
And then it was Christmas morning. Dash sneaked downstairs to assess the gift situation & returned to wake us with the proclamation that Santa had come!
This was Josh's most favorite gift from me. (OK, it's mean, but funny if you know Josh and his myriad mysterious maladies).
Dash got a new pair of Vans! We knew Santa had been requested to deliver a new pair, so we persisted in sending him to school in the filthiest, most tore up shoes ever. Finally my poor mother could take it no longer & bought him a pair of shoes to wear in the interim. They were that disgusting.
Flowers for whom?
We didn't call a plumber!
HA! LAND SHARK!
This is the exact moment the two of them realized that they're holding a snow-cone maker. A MOTHERFUCKING SNOW-CONE MAKER! IN OUR MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE!
Not much, dog. What's up with you?
We asked Dash repeatedly what he wanted for Christmas from Santa and number one on the list every time was a "dead body." He meant an anatomy kit, but dead body is so much more awesome.
Hello ladies. How you like my large intestine?
A dismember-able zombie. Because why the hell not?
Roller blades from Grandma & Grandpa. Do you think he liked them?
This was the first year I didn't make anything for Dash, so Josh took over by making up some marshmallow shooters. Each one was painted & named (White Rain, Silver Fox, Red Ryder & Marsh Vader). What? You thought I was the only crazy person in the Engel house? Bitch, please.
I made up ammo stickers to go on the bags of marshmallows.
And then they proceeded to blow marshmallows at one another for the next hour.
Josh got me this because obviously he loves me more than I deserve.
Sometimes I see shit like this and I just think, the world can't be all bad, you know? If it occurred to someone to make a straw that is also glasses.
Hope yours was merry happy, too!