Tuesday, July 08, 2008

25 Days, 13

I've been arguing with myself for a few weeks now about whether or not to write this down. It's craziness to admit what I'm about to, but it makes me sad to think that we could forget this story one day, so I'll put it here to ensure we'll remember.

I'm not a religious or mystical person. I believe in God, but my spiritual development owes more to Joseph Campbell than anything else. I definitely don't believe in ghosts or miracles or Heaven or Hell. I believe that we are made of light and that when our bodies fail our light dissipates. We're still there, we're just ... diluted. I don't buy into the theory that people hang around after they're dead.


Except that Josh's beloved Grandma, Dash's G.G., passed away more than a year ago and she continues to pay Dash visits.

Dash was a year and three months old when we lost his G.G. There's really no reason that he would remember her. She was sick and frail for much of his life and he saw her relatively rarely in the end. But he does remember her. He talks about her unprompted. He recognizes her in pictures. Whenever he mentions his G.G. we place our hands over his heart and tell him, "G.G. lives here."

"No," he replies, pointing toward his bedroom "G.G. lives there."

He worries about these visits. They frighten him a bit and we try to reassure him that G.G. loves him more than anything in this world or the next. That she would never hurt or try to frighten him. But I'll admit, it freaks me out, too. And I'm a grown woman who knows better than to believe in ghosts.

Except I kind of do believe. I can't wrap my mind around it any other way. Dash has never seen a movie or tv show about ghosts. We've never read any stories about them. He doesn't even know the word ghost. We never explained to him that G.G. had passed away or even what it means to die--he was far too young to understand. Yet, somehow, he knows that she is not here with us the way regular people are. He knows that G.G. is spirit and he says that she visits him in his room.

I know it's insanity. But I'm inclined to believe him.


amy turn sharp of doobleh-vay said...

believe him for sure!

Corey said...

dude, you need to believe him. that's absolutely fascinating.