Christmas Sing

Dash has been wandering around the house for weeks singing all sorts of Christmas songs we had no idea he knew. Turns out he was practicing for his school's Christmas Sing and Cookie Swap extravaganza.

It did not go particularly well.

He started crying from the stage as soon as he spotted me in the audience.

Then he stuck his finger in his mouth, where it remained for the duration of the song.

At least he wasn't alone in his terror. The entire stage was silent except for one little girl who grabbed the mic and sang her ass off.

Things improved once he left the stage and got his cookie fix.

Hi Baba!

PS: Do you think the person who brought Oreos to the cookie swap is the same person who brought Jack in the Box onion rings to the 4th of July Potluck bbq? Me, too.

Thug Life

Feliz Navidad

(Please stop reading now if you are neither Dash nor related to Dash. Trust me.)

The thing about Dash is that he doesn't really eat. (I have made a choice to freak out about this, but mainly internally.) He does, however, poop. He poops, like, three times a day. (I told you not to read this). But the poop-size so far has been about what you'd expect to come out of a Chihuahua. You know, totally manageable.

Except for just now. Just now he produced a turd like what you'd expect from a 300 lb. trucker. It was spectacular and totally revolting. But here is the awesome part: when Josh & I saw this thing and exclaimed! in shock! and awe! Dash just grinned and declared, "Feliz Navidad."

Feliz Navidad, indeed. Feliz Navidad, indeed.

School Pictures

Can someone explain to me how they get the kids to pose like this? I can't get him to even look at the camera most of the time.

Yum

Although I love to cook and bake and make gifts from scratch, I do occasionally feel so completely overwhelmed and pressed for time that I need to find shortcuts.

I found out late last week that Dash's school will be hosting a sing & cookie swap next weekend. Because our schedule is already so completely packed, I started looking around for shortcuts. And I found one. A delicious one. That is easy, cheap & will keep for a week. Seriously, pay attention:

Buy a bag of good quality chocolate chips (I used semi-sweet, but whatever you like will do), a box of graham crackers & a few candy canes.

Send whatever husband or child you have on hand outside with the candy canes in a heavy duty freezer bag and instructions to pulverize.

Then melt the chips in a small saucepan over low heat. Once the chips are melted, dip the crackers, one at a time, into the goo. I used a small spoon to ensure coverage & to scrape off any excess chocolate.

Place the covered crackers on a wax paper-lined cookie sheet & sprinkle with crushed candy canes before the chocolate sets up.

Store in an airtight container. Or eat. Either way you're good.

Merry

You know who loves Christmas more than a Jew? No one, that's who. I call it Solstice & try to bring some of the old-school celebration of return to light into the mix. But I think we all know I'm just looking to justify my obsession with Christmas.

Dash (or, you know, Dash's teachers) made this wreath last year. It's a paper plate with the center cut out and construction paper cutouts of Dash's hand tracings glued to it. It may be my favorite thing.

My mom gave me those silver tree candles. They're too beautiful to ever burn. The pitcher will have flowers in it as soon as I can get it together to buy some flowers.

I made Josh's, Dash's & my stockings a couple of years ago. This year I made some for Aunty and my mom (Baba).

These tins came from Joann and I can't believe how much I love them. I was hoping they'd have them again this year so I could actually fill them with cookies and give them away. But they didn't, so I will continue to hoard these. The paper garland came from Target last year. It was Aunty's idea to wrap it around the mantle.

Last year I made a Christmas village out of unfinished birdhouses. This year I finally just gave in and bought myself what I had been dreaming of for a good 15 months: your Grandma's lit up Christmas village. It all started with the Silver Fox Lounge (top right). We call Josh the Silver Fox, so it was destiny. Also, it's a jazz club. The radio station (top left) has little dudes in the window singing carols. The birdhouse village is in Dash's room.

Natural History Museum.

Grocery store.

Captain's quarters. In my mind he's like that crazy old sea captain from Mary Poppins with the ship deck on his roof. Is it weird that I think about this stuff?

My very own Clark Griswold incarnate.

This was just phase two of the Christmas lights.


I'll update again as we approach the final phase.

Ha! See, we are Jews! We even have the required equipment!

The Tree

This weekend we loaded up Dash & his Aunty for some Christmas tree shopping.

Everyone should have an Aunty for lugging around their children.

And, you know, showering them with love. But don't undervalue the lugging.

This place sells pumpkins at Halloween & trees at Christmas. I wait all year for the "open" sign so I know the holidays really are upon us.

This year they had pony rides. Every time Dash is presented with a pony ride he is filled with awe.

But then he gets on the pony and is all, "meh."

Better.

There was a haystack, too. This picture was taken after Dash tired of trying to hurl himself across it in an effort to give his mother a heart attack.

The perfect tree.

Can you spot the naked baby? Now can you explain to me why he insists on stripping at every major occasion? He was nude for the bulk of Thanksgiving, too. Can't wait to see what he does at his High School graduation.

Now it's really the season of Solstice.